Notts2026 (original poster new member #87400) posted at 4:21 PM on Tuesday, May 26th, 2026
I'm new here, just joined after a tumultuous few days.
I found out my husband has spent thousands of $$$ on Only Fans content.
A little background: we haven't had any intimacy for a very long time, this is totally my choice as I have always felt uncomfortable with sex. He knows this, we had more than one conversation about it and a couple of years ago I presented him with the option to go separate ways if this was not acceptable, but he kept saying he loves me and we can make it work, even without sex. We're both in our early 50s. I have never minded him resorting to porn, if he gets pleasure from it, I guess lots of men do that. But having found out he's paid thousands for content he can easily access for free (on the millions of porn sites!), that bothers me quite a lot. He's now in the red, with a debt that will take a long time to clear.
I, on the other hand, am working left right and center to save money (for the kid, holidays, the house). I feel so betrayed and cheated, but above all I feel sad.
I'm not sure if I am ready to carry on like this, no guarantees he won't do it again (although he said he's deleted his OF account and he's shared his bank statements with me).
I guess it'd be good to see other people's views on this. Thank you
Icedover84 ( member #82901) posted at 9:22 PM on Tuesday, May 26th, 2026
I mean I know we should be giving advice to you as a betrayed, but I'm really just sad for him. He chose a partner who later told him that sex was no longer an option. You gave him a way out, but he does love you, and perhaps he thought he could keep it under control.
Unfortunately, hormones can lead someone to engage in risky behaviors because it's almost a dissociation. It's very easy to see a video ad for an OnlyFans model, go check her page, and end up subscribing for more content. I'm not saying I do that, but I can certainly understand it.
He did cheat, as having conversations in a sexual nature with someone other than your partner is a betrayal of trust. But perhaps you two shouldn't be together if you aren't ever going to be on the same page regarding intimacy. You may want to consider an open marriage with ground rules and communication. It could possibly lead to a greater relationship between the two of you, or it could crash and burn even faster. Either way, your situation is unsustainable.
