SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Good luck to you then.

It's okay for you to feel that way, as long as you are honest about it with your W so that she has all the relevant information when choosing whether to reconcile.

Thank you, GotTheMorbs. This is my largest problem with this thread and in general, the treatment of your BS. The fact is that you are unwilling to let your wife {Edit: know} what you feel and where you stand on ALL of these issues. You are handicapping her and taking away her agency. That's awful.

If you are also relying on your wife's feelings about her religion and using that to your advantage, that is equally deplorable. It's even more so if you claim to follow the same faith. You claim to fully understand and follow it faithfully, and then you claim it's faulty or insufficient to seek help from those religious leaders. Both of those things can't be true.

I understand what hikingout has said about there may be a cultural difference. I've sensed that your writing style varies in extremes. For example, you claim to not like profanity. Then you have a post with a bunch of profanity. Maybe you are in the mid-Atlantic US but from another culture. Anyway, this may be why you have an attachment and high empathy for your friend but not for your wife. It seems you can sincerely empathize with others. It's a great trait. I simply don't understand how you can shut yourself off to empathy for your wife.

[This message edited by KitchenDepth5551 at 11:04 PM, Wednesday, October 14th]

i’m just resistant to crap. I have been that way my whole life. I know it when I smell it.

And I know it too.

There's a reason you won't go to a tribunal in the church. That means you are seeking an annulment. You don't want an annulment. You don't want a divorce. You want to control your wife and get her to comply to your desires.

It's also why you won't just go and talk to a priest. You don't want to hear what they will tell you. That's why you won't talk to your wife.

You know it, and I do too.

You’re funny!

You have some of the most wise, kind, experienced minds on the internet on the topic of infidelity trying to give you free advice, and you are being dismissive and arrogant. 10 of you come across this site every year. You are anything but "unconventional".

You have some of the most wise, kind, experienced minds on the internet on the topic of infidelity trying to give you free advice, and you are being dismissive and arrogant. 10 of you come across this site every year. You are anything but "unconventional".

This

ᵃⁿᵈ ᵃˡˡ ¹⁰ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉᵐ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵈʳⁱᵛᵉⁿ ᵃʷᵃʸ...

Unconventional,

I had originally supported you in revealing the SA to your therapist. I guess I was blinded and misunderstanding where you were really at. With the rest of comments your have made, the picture is a bit clearer to me now.

what you folks are selling… I ain’t buying.

when you have a new tune to sing, let me know.

I did not have any kind of "affair", and my wife does bear a share of guilt for my infidelity. And she absolutely does need to work on her CSA history. and the sacrifice I am making right now in service to my M speaks for itself and favorably—whether or not you’re here to listen!

My new song to sing is this...you are acting completely contrary to what your faith calls you to do. You are called to "love your wife". All I am seeing now is you attempting to present a very marginal..."mechanical compliance" approach to your marriage.

You are not using your volition to love your wife with your heart. You have heavily invested thought and emotion for this "friend". And although she may be a kind person, worthy of love, etc.....she is not the one you promised to love. Your wife is. That is the purpose of making a decision to love...you are supposed to purpose in your heart to willfully forgo other opportunities to invest your heart into another.

So let's say in theory you divorce and go and marry this OW. What will keep you with her in the long run? You think she will not have her issues? You think life will not get mundane and troublesome with her? It most certainly will. I dare say you have built up some fantasy of this women that is perpetuating your hardness of heart against your wife. It is a fools errand.

If you would have invested in your wife on an emotional and volitional level as you did with the OW, I suspect you would not be here today. If you had chosen to mark the delightful and attractive aspects of your wife that are undoubtedly there....you would not be here today.

Your cumulative answers have culminated into such a displayed disposition...that I have to admit...I have had it cross my mind that the whole thing is fake, and is some sort of rage bait. But I trust that is not the case.

So friend, I will say this confidently. You will stand before the King or Kings one day and answer for how you treat his daughter. He has given your wife to you...not the OW. Your fawning over the OW must stop. Soften your heart toward your wife. Provide a safe place for her. Choose her...you promised you would. Keep your promise. Rekindle the value you placed in her when you said "I do". That value is still there. You have simply wandered and forgotten.

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: "

Ephesians 5:25-29 KJV

[This message edited by WoodThrush2 at 2:12 AM, Thursday, October 15th]

ᵃⁿᵈ ᵃˡˡ ¹⁰ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉᵐ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵈʳⁱᵛᵉⁿ ᵃʷᵃʸ...

Morbs, you literally just gave this guy the "good luck to you then".

If naming and confronting unrepentant wayward bullshit from people who think they are too clever or unique for wisdom drives them away, then maybe they should come back once they have an open ear.

I mean, it's one thing for the WS to be like "I'm not buying the bullshit--" cuz like, I think that's a clear indicator we've reached a point where they're not ready to hear us, but like, to unload all the frustration we've been feeling on them one after another afterwards ? I don't think that's conducive to our intent and purposes. I remember I almost got driven out too; fortunately I was just too damn stubborn to leave 😅

And certainly there are some that leave of their own volition because they genuinely do not want to change.

[This message edited by GotTheMorbs at 3:59 AM, Thursday, October 15th]