SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

You’re right we aren’t getting along, I’m better at doing my own thing now. Or pretending with him! I think the mind set has changed where I’m not bothering him because I don’t care if he walks out the door, that’s the rubbish taking itself out! And he probably thinks I’m still gullible!
My thoughts where to go through the phone any evidence I can find to get a copy and print/email and eventually when I’ve got everything sorted to drop it on him.
I did think about leaving the house and getting another property but I then realised that’s making it easy for him!

Do you think I should go through the phone or leave it?

I went through the phone, no calls or texts which have obviously been deleted I think. But her number was unblocked! He still had photos of them, there’s videos he’s clearly sent to her saying he loves her up until last week! I know they are for her cause I’ve not received them

I’ve asked him to leave and he has

So sorry miss me. False R is the worst. What’s your next step going to be?

Hang in there. You’re obviously very strong.

I want to call him and tell him to come home. But I know it’s the wrong decision, he’s hurt me so much.

He’s tried denying that he’s sent the videos, I can’t find evidence that he had sent them but the fact still stands he’s recorded videos hand gesturing I love you. That aren’t for me, claims there for himself but that doesn’t even make sense! Similar videos he’d been sending her. Her number wasn’t blocked either.

I also read the messages he sent his brother which I think hurt the most how he told him he loved the OW but felt guilty for me and the kids. Brother walked out on his wife and kids and set up with his OW. His life’s gone to pot but claims he’s the happiest he’s ever been.

I know deep down he’s no good for me I just need to keep strong, cut contact and try to heal.

I know deep down he’s no good for me I just need to keep strong, cut contact and try to heal.

So true. It’s very hard when the head has one thought process but the heart has another.

But imagine a period where HE is not your focus.

You don’t have to tiptoe around issues.

You are not secretly looking at his phone or social media.

You have sense of calm in your life.

Your emotions are not all over the place.

You aren’t being lied to in a daily basis.

You’re right, I’m so angry with myself. He’s constantly shown who he really is but I just can’t seem to accept it even though it’s there.

I wish he had the balls to be upfront and say yes I’ve sent them yes I’m in love with her.

Why would you recorded yourself singing a song that was "your song" with a kiss at the end to keep for yourself?

I just want to scream at him, what the actual hell is wrong with him?

You’re right, I’m so angry with myself. He’s constantly shown who he really is but I just can’t seem to accept it even though it’s there.

I wish he had the balls to be upfront and say yes I’ve sent them yes I’m in love with her.

Why would you recorded yourself singing a song that was "your song" with a kiss at the end to keep for yourself?

I just want to scream at him, what the actual hell is wrong with him?

I'm going to repeat what Sisoon often says in these situations, and to be fair he's told us he got it from someone else, but it really really fits here.

Don't
Even
Try
And
Change
Them

There is no answer that's going to work. What's wrong with him is beyond a normal person's comprehension. His head is so far up his ass he doesn't even realize it. Don't scream, don't yell, and I know this is easier said than done, but don't be angry at yourself.

You need to detatch. Hard 180. Don't do anything for him, don't react to his bullshit. Take care of your kids and yourself. Only talk to him when necessary, and keep it business-like.

I just want to scream at him, what the actual hell is wrong with him?

I don’t know your H’s age but this sounds like a mid-life crisis addiction affair.

BTDT!

I know my H did some crazy stuff during his affair and honestly he wasn’t always secretive about it. He wanted me to know he was in love with the OW and was going to D me.

Same as what you are experiencing.

Your H is addicted to the affair. That is the issue - he cannot give her up b/c in his screwed up mind, the OW is "the most wonderful person and she is his world"

Unfortunately you just have to accept it. I know how hard it is. The OW in my case was demanding he D me and he was planning on it. 6-9 months of hell. Just like you.

Do the hard 180. Don’t let him back in. You need to protect yourself. Now you know even if he lives w/you he’s still cheating and lying and isn’t the guy you once knew.

He’s 40 next year. It’s as if he’s a teenager how he’s behaving. Sometimes I stop and think am I imaging all of this. If someone would have told me this would be happening I wouldn’t believe it at all.

That’s how I feel he wants me to know but he doesn’t want to be seen as the problem. So I seem like the crazy one who’s threw him out and he can kind of keep a clean image.

I am going to detach, like before it’s a lot calmer at home and I feel I can get stuff done in my time. I just need to keep strong and remember how exactly he has treated me. And remember he’s not the same person that he was previously.

He’s 40 next year. It’s as if he’s a teenager how he’s behaving.

ROFLMAO because I was in your exact shoes. But my H was turning 50.

How long were you going through all of this
@The1stWife?

Somethings he says are ridiculous it’s like he’s hit his head. So he doesn’t want any more children and has said he only had so many to keep me happy. But had planned to have 2 with the OW. Because she’s young and you can’t deny someone of having kids.His thoughts are it is easier to have 2 in one household the 6+ in one. Now please correct me if I’m seeing this wrong. No matter what he will always have 6 children, if he goes on to have more they become child 7, 8 etc…
And at one stage he will have to have all our 6 plus any others. Then what if I got sick or something happened and he had to have them full time that could potentially be 7/8 kids in one household. The delusion he has is mind blowing lol

Oh my — he’s an midlife crisis affair delusional twin of my husband. Good lord there cannot be two of them with this irrational logic.

I am certain the OW my H hooked up with wanted kids. I don’t think he EVER thought of that.

Also he was a corporate executive and she was "an artist" covered (and I mean covered) in tattoos. My delusional H thought he’d bring her to corporate events and our social circle events and people would just "love her and accept her b/c he did".

Her fashion sense was very obvious: show off the tats (neck, chest, boobs, full arms and most of legs) AND buy shirts 5x too small so her boobs hung out of every shirt she owned.

This is what he planned to expose our kids too. And she was convinced she was going to play the "perfect stepmother" role.

So yes your H is thinking like a true midlife crisis affair partner w/ his # of kids in your home vs # of kids in the OW’s home mentality. It doesn’t make sense and he’s acting like a teenager w/ a bad case of a middle school crush.

Oh and my H told me if I met her I would like her. Oh hell no!!! And that we should all "be friends". He was serious.

There is nothing a lying cheating spouse won’t say or do or fabricate to make them the "hero" of their affair. Including things like "I (the cheater) deserve to be happy."

We all deserve to be happy. Just not at the expense of others.

I hope this helps you. You are not alone. We’ve all been through this in some way, shape or form.